The NBA Playoffs, Narrated By Kendrick Lamar
Kendrick had a dream..
Writers Note: In an attempt to personalize this blog a bit more, I’ve re-branded it from ‘CLIC’ to ‘On the DL’ moving forward.
Springtime brings a consistent rhythm— blossoming trees, lengthening days, UConn men’s basketball giving the college basketball universe a collective swirlie, and of course, the NBA playoffs. The pattern was no different this year, until a significant disruption arrived on Friday, May 3rd. That evening, while the Dallas Mavericks sealed their first-round victory over the Los Angeles Clippers, I— David Lurie, King of the Couch, First of his Name— unlocked my phone to open X, the app formerly known as Twitter. Expecting the annual spectacle of the internet roasting James Harden after an NBA Playoff exit, I was caught off guard. Gone were clips of Harden’s defensive lapses, or graphics flashing his 5-16 shooting line as if it were the presidential election results. In it’s place, another story had seized the cultural spotlight— Drake and Kendrick Lamar were at war.
If you missed the feud, you can catch up on its timeline here. Long story short, the two highest-profile rappers of the 2010s spent April and May trading diss tracks that included allegations of pedophilia, domestic abuse, and claims about the existence (and validity) of each other’s children. After that weekend in early May, which consensus ruled a decisive victory for Kendrick Lamar, society moved on to the next shiny object. But I kept thinking about it, and reflecting on the beef, I’ve developed a theory— Kendrick wasn’t only trying to snatch Drake’s soul. It was all a distraction to cryptically tell us the story 2024 NBA playoffs, with Drake providing the high-profile bait. Today I will prove this theory, one playoff series at a time. I present to you, the NBA Playoffs, Narrated by Kendrick Lamar:
First Round
Boston Celtics vs. Miami Heat
Series Result: Celtics won 4-1
Diss Track: Like That
Kendrick’s Perspective: These n——s talkin' out of they necks / Don't pull no coffin out of your mouth / I'm way too paranoid for a threat.”
It’s fitting that the story of the 2024 NBA Playoffs begins with the very first line from the verse that started it all. Given the personal and reflective tone of Kendrick’s previous album, ‘Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers’, it was unclear what version of Kendrick we’d get on a guest feature in 2024. His opening line on ‘Like That’ provided a definitive answer.
Which brings me to Jimmy Butler, two-time conqueror of the Eastern Conference, and the biggest roadblock of the Tatum-and-Brown-era Boston Celtics. Unfortunately, an MCL injury sidelined Butler this postseason, leaving the Heat in a precarious position against a 64-win juggernaut. To secure victory, the Heat would need to summon all the voodoo that their vaunted “Culture” could muster.
The early returns were positive. After the Heat’s stunning Game 2 victory in Boston, fueled by a historic shooting performance, the paranoia of previous playoff disappointments infiltrated the Celtics fan base. Then Jimmy Butler made a grave miscalculation. While the injury affected his knee, and his ability to play basketball, it did not hinder his ability to speak words. And words he spoke…
Butler violated a Golden Rule: Don’t poke the bear. Especially a paranoid one. The series effectively ended the moment this interview took place. The Celtics won the final three games of the series by a combined 68 points. Tyler Herro entered the fiery crucible of hell itself, also known as being defended by Derrick White and Jrue Holiday. The Celtics ground the Heat offense to dust, holding them to a dismal 102.9 offensive rating, nearly 5 points lower than the league-worst Memphis Grizzlies offense from the regular season.
Jimmy Butler pulled the coffin out of his mouth. Perhaps next time, he’ll heed Pat Riley’s advice and save his words for the games he’s available to play in.
Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Orlando Magic
Series Result: Cavaliers won 4-3
Diss Track: Euphoria
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Keep makin' me dance, wavin' my hand and it won't be no threat.”
‘Euphoria’, Kendrick’s first diss track that took direct aim at Drake, was more of a warning shot than an all-out assault. He’s dismissive of Drake, advising him to stick to his mainstream music lane, rather than mix it up with a real MC. In retrospect, he was also explaining the public’s indifference towards the first-round series between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Orlando Magic. It’s a running joke that every NBA postseason has one matchup relegated to NBA TV. This series was the poster child of that bit.
Alas, the two teams played playoff games. We waved our hands at Donovan Mitchell’s high-level scoring outbursts. We danced to Paolo Banchero’s dazzling playoff debut, and his impressive 27 points, 9 rebounds and 4 assists per game in the series. Yet, we understood the series was ceremonial. One team moved on to the next round, but the bigger picture remained unshaken.
Milwaukee Bucks vs. Indiana Pacers
Series Result: Pacers won 4-2
Diss Track: Euphoria
Kendrick’s Perspective: “You're movin' just like a degenerate, every antic is feelin' distasteful.”
Giannis Antetokounmpo’s playoff absence reverberated throughout the entire Eastern Conference Playoff bracket. With the Bucks stripped of their talismanic force, what could have been a standout series fueled by season-long animosity instead turned into a procedural affair. Milwaukee’s depth issues forced them to get unconventional. Like, playing-35-year-old-Patrick-Beverley-35-minutes-per-game-level unconventional. The results were predictable, both on and off the court, as controversy clings to Patrick Beverley like a magnet to a refrigerator. From tossing the ball at a heckling fan towards the end of Game 6, to refusing post-game interviews based on podcast subscriptions, Beverley’s actions encapsulated the Bucks’ tumultuous season.
Ironically, the secondary Bucks stars hit their stride during this series— Dame Time showcased his vintage big game flair, and Khris Middleton played his best ball in years, averaging 24.7 points, 9.2 rebounds, and 4.7 assists for the series, reminding fans of what might have been with a healthy Giannis. Instead, their season ended on an embarrassing, distasteful note; set by a player whose mere presence was a symbol of all that had gone wrong with this team.
New York Knicks vs. Philadelphia 76ers
Series Result: Knicks won 4-2
Diss Track: Meet the Grahams
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements.”
To parse out Kendrick’s underlying strategy for dismantling Drake, look no further than this line from ‘Meet the Grahams’. Take the chart-topping records away. The glitz and glam. Who are you really?
Shouldn’t we ask the same question of Joel Embiid? He’s an MVP, a brilliant player capable of scoring more points than minutes played when firing on all cylinders. And yet here we are again, with another early playoff exit in a wide-open Eastern Conference. Is he cursed by untimely injuries and quadruple bounces? Or is he simply not a playoff performer? Regardless of what you think, his career numbers are what they are:
I see a lot of parallels between Drake and Joel Embiid. Two titans in their domains, with resumes that speak for themselves, yet both falling short during legacy-defining moments, whether it’s by superhuman clutch shot-making from Jalen Brunson, or the superlative lyricism of Kendrick Lamar. For all the 50-point explosions and number one hits, the achievements feel empty when the narrative has kept to one note for such a long time.
Dallas Mavericks vs. Los Angeles Clippers
Series Result: Mavericks won 4-2
Diss Track: Like That
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Say, it's a lot of goofies with a check.”
Drake’s association with Nike was the focus of this insult, but the analogy to good ol’ cash money is easy to see. Speaking of returns on investment, Kawhi Leonard and Paul George have earned a combined $386,422,798 (per Spotrac) since signing with the Clippers in 2019. You tell me if the on-court returns have lived up to it:
Clippers Regular Season Record: 233-157 (59.7%; a 49-win pace per season)
Percentage of Regular Season Games Missed by Kawhi and Paul George: 36.9%
Playoff Series Wins: 3
There were moments this season when the James Harden acquisition seemed like the missing piece, especially during a torrid mid-year stretch that pushed them near the top of the Western Conference. Of course, what can go wrong always will go wrong when it comes to the Clippers. Kawhi spent most of the playoffs in street clothes for what felt like the 10th straight year. When he did play, he looked like a shell of himself, averaging 12 points in 2 games vs. the Mavericks. The Clippers offense couldn’t survive without Leonard’s production. Their effective shooting percentage was 50.6% for the series, a mere decimal point above the league-worst Portland Trail Blazers from the regular season.
Through 5 years of the George/Leonard pairing, only in the 2020 bubble were both players healthy for an entire postseason run, when they blew a 3-1 lead to the Denver Nuggets in Round 2. When it comes to these results, goofy might be a generous critique.
Denver Nuggets vs. Los Angeles Lakers
Series Result: Nuggets won 4-1
Diss Track: Not Like Us
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Certified boogeyman, I'm the one that up the score with 'em.”
Freddy Krueger might be the ultimate embodiment of the boogeyman, but for Lakers fans, the Nikola Jokic & Jamal Murray combo represents a close second. After last season’s competitive sweep in the conference finals, the Lakers and their fan base spent the entire season believing they could go toe-to-toe with Denver. They got their wish with another chance, and despite winning a game this time, the end results were even more excruciating.
The Lakers held the lead for an overwhelming portion of this series, but all that matters is the score when the clock hits zero. Jamal Murray made sure it settled in his team’s favor.
Though Kendrick hadn’t released ‘Not Like Us’ yet, one could envision Murray humming “Then step this way, step that way” as he coaxed Anthony Davis into his finest ballet impression. Murray added insult to injury, putting the series to rest with another last-second shot in Game 5.
If you’re AD or Lebron, you couldn’t have played much better in this series:
Anthony Davis: 27.8 points/15.6 rebounds/4 assists/2 stocks (steals + blocks) on 63.4% eFG (effective field goal percentage)
Lebron James: 27.8 points/6.8 rebounds/8.8 assists/3.4 stocks on 61.6% eFG
This was a competitive, knock em’ down and drag ‘em out series, but it wasn’t pretty basketball— both teams shot below 31% from the 3-point line. Like last year, this matchup hinged on subtle moments, where hustle and IQ prevail. Once again, it was Aaron Gordon rescuing possessions with acrobatic rebounds, Michael Porter Jr. hitting a timely off-balance 3’s, Jokic grabbing loose balls and triggering devastating fast breaks, and Jamal Murray delivering the decisive heroics. As the great Rust Cohle once said, “Time is a flat circle”. The Lakers will be staring at their ceilings all summer, wondering how the journey ended exactly where it started.
Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Phoenix Suns
Series Result: Wolves won 4-0
Diss Track: Like That
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Motherfuck the big three, n——a, it's just big me.”
With nine words, the spark igniting the highest-profile rap beef of the century was lit. Kendrick had already directed his vitriol towards Drake and J. Cole, with pointed criticism of their recent collaboration on ‘First Person Shooter’, but when he used the word ‘motherfuck’, that changed things. Any human with an ounce of self-respect can’t let that word slide without a response.
Entering their first-round series, many expected the Phoenix Suns to challenge the youthful Minnesota Timberwolves. By the third quarter of Game 1, it became evident that the young Wolves wouldn’t be rolling over.
These are the moments you crave as a fan— a symbolic passing of the torch from the old generation to the new. This series marked the official arrival of Anthony Edwards, and the Suns Big 3’didn’t stand a chance.
It’s time we admit the “Big 3” moniker missed the mark on both fronts. Despite Bradley Beal’s A-list salary, he didn’t produce like one in this series, be it the tepid scoring (16.5 points per game) or traffic-cone defense on Anthony Edwards (who shot 17/28 from the field and 6/11 from 3 with Beal as his primary defender). As for J. Cole's place alongside Drake and Kendrick, his swift exit from the beef settled that debate faster than Abe Simpson leaving a Springfield bar.
Turns out, Big Me’s are better than Big 3’s.
Oklahoma City Thunder vs. New Orleans Pelicans
Series Result: Thunder won 4-0
Diss Track: Like That
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Got 2TEEZ with me, I’m snatchin’ chains and burnin’ tattoos.”
Meet 2TEEZ, Kendrick Lamar’s Director of Security.
Now meet Luguentz “Lu” Dort— basketball player by day, Directory of Security for the OKC Thunder by night.
Sans Zion William, the public still expected the Pelicans to compete with the Thunder. Depth was their calling card all season, but the Pelicans would know only the depths of pain inflicted by the “Dorture Chamber”. Their strategy was simple: neutralize Brandon Ingram, the head of the snake. Activate Security Protocol:
With Dort as his primary defender, Ingram shot a paltry 11/33 from the field in the series. Stripped of their main scoring threat, the Pelicans’ offense plummeted to unprecedented depths. The Memphis Grizzlies had the worst offensive rating in the league this season at 107.7 points per 100 possessions. By comparison, the Pelicans managed only 95.5 points per 100 possessions in this series. The Thunder turned them into a Division-III team, with their Directory of Security at the forefront.
A word of advice to anyone reading: tread lightly when the opposition has 2TEEZ, or his basketball equivalent.
Round 2
Boston Celtics vs. Cleveland Cavaliers
Series Result: Celtics win 4-1
Diss Track: Meet the Grahams
Kendrick’s Perspective: “I think you should ask for more paper, and more paper / And more, uh, more paper.”
Of all the songs that spawned from the Drake-Kendrick beef, ‘Meet the Grahams’ cuts the deepest. Six and half minutes of Kendrick addressing every member of Drake’s immediate family, both real and rumored (in the case of Drake’s probably fictional daughter), before confronting Drake head-on for the song’s final verse. Kendrick aimed to sow discord within Drake’s inner circle, advising Drake’s father to demand greater compensation for the cultural heritage that Kendrick believes Drake exploits for profit. Kendrick understands the destructive impact of familial discord, and he exploits this vulnerability with the surgical precision of a dentist appointment.
Could Donovan Mitchell adopt Kendrick’s tactics amidst his power struggle with the Cleveland Cavaliers? The Cavs already shifted blame for their lack of competitiveness in Round 2 to former head coach J.B. Bickerstaff. The latest reports suggest Mitchell holds Lebron-like influence within the organization, with rumors of a $200 million extension on the table. Perhaps they should throw in an ownership stake while they’re at it.
A Cavalier’s franchise that has shown great promise in recent seasons now finds itself divided. They can feed us all the classic quotes about their confidence in retaining Mitchell, but we’ve seen this story before. They can offer more, and more, and more paper, but that doesn’t guarantee a happy ending in the long run.
New York Knicks vs. Indiana Pacers
Series Result: Pacers win 4-3
Diss Track: Not Like Us
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Man down, call an amberlamps, tell him, "Breathe, bro"
Nothing epitomizes Kendrick’s eccentric brilliance like the word “amberlamps”, especially when used in a high-profile rap song that your auntie and uncle groove to like it’s ‘70s disco night. While we’re on the topic of amberlamps, the Knicks needed an entire fleet of them after their grueling second-round clash with the Pacers. The Pacer’s electric shooting performances deserve recognition, but it’s impossible to overlook the devastation of the Knicks roster. By the end of Game 7, they were down Julius Randle, Bojan Bogdanovic, Mitchell Robinson, OG Anunoby, and Jalen Brunson. Josh Hart, who technically survived the series, battled through the final two games clutching his abdomen like an arrow-ridden Boromir in ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’.
Under head coach Tom Thibodeau, such outcomes might be inevitable. He’s going to zero in on his trusted players, and run them as long and hard as possible, may death do them part. Consider the postseason Minutes Per Game totals for the core Knicks players:
Josh Hart: 42.2
Jalen Brunson: 39.8
OG Anunoby: 36
Donte DiVincenzo: 35.8
In contrast, the leading Pacer in minutes played during the series was Pascal Siakam, averaging 35.1 per game. Despite the attrition, the Knicks fought until the bitter end, as they’ve become known to do. At times this postseason, they resembled a legitimate Finals threat, and that’s enough (for now) for a franchise that’s been starving for postseason success this entire century. Here’s to hoping they can stay upright next time, if only to witness how high they can climb.
Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Dallas Mavericks
Series Result: Mavericks win 4-2
Diss Track: Meet the Grahams
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Life is hard, I know, the challenge is always gon' beat us home.”
Beneath the general wrath that permeates throughout ‘Meet the Grahams’, Kendrick offers fatherly advice, particularly to Drake’s son, Adonis. For all the complications his father’s fame has brought upon his life, Kendrick urges him to harness those challenges for personal growth. At the end of the day, you’re never going to escape the difficulties that come with being human.
The Oklahoma City Thunder would do well to reflect on this wisdom. As the youngest #1 seed in NBA Playoff history, their potential is undeniable. There’s a prevailing sense that they’ll be back, but history reminds us that the window of contention can always close unexpectedly. Their fiercely competitive loss to the Mavericks could serve as the harsh lesson this team needs to evolve into the force they’re set to become.
The series didn’t need a seventh game to illustrate the razor-thin margin separating the two teams. Both teams posted identical offensive ratings of 113.4. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander matched Luka shot for shot, further cementing his status as one of the game’s marquee franchise players. The Thunder’s faltered primarily due to their Achilles heel— Derrick Lively and Daniel Gafford ate their front-court alive on the offensive glass, especially during their furious rally in the closing moments of Game 6. Shooting variance did them no favors as well: Dallas sank 83 threes at a 39.7% clip, while the Thunder hit 68 threes at a 33.5%.
There’s no such thing as a moral victory in professional sports. The Thunder, like Adonis, must draw the right conclusions from their adversity and emerge stronger than ever in the future.
Denver Nuggets vs. Minnesota Timberwolves
Series Result: Wolves win 4-3
Diss Track: Euphoria
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Them super powers gettin' neutralized, I can only watch in silence.”
We love sports for their power to thrill and excite us on a regular basis— the last-second shots, the poster dunks, and the occasional head-scratching mistakes from the most talented individuals in the world. On rare occasions, excitement can transcend to complete and utter shock, resetting all your previous expectations. It’s not only that the Giants beat the undefeated Patriots in a Super Bowl, but that a no-name receiver pinned a Hail Mary throw to his helmet to make it possible. It’s not just that Lebron won a championship with the Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s that he overcame a seemingly insurmountable 3-1 deficit against a seemingly unbeatable 73-win team.
On its surface, the Wolves beating the Nuggets didn’t surprise me. Not after winning the first two games in Denver, and Game 6 by 45 points. But the Nuggets surging to a 20-point lead at home in Game 7, only to collapse in the second half— that stunned me. This is the Nuggets we’re talking about, led by Nikola Jokic, the best player in the world at the peak of his powers, and flanked by Jamal Murray, who I compared to the literal boogeyman five minutes ago. Their playoff struggles stemmed from spotting their opponents big leads and mounting epic comebacks to recover, not the other way around. A 20-point deficit to the Nuggets, known for their crunch-time superpowers, seemed like a worst-case scenario.
Somehow, the Wolves thrived in it, displaying a collective team effort to secure the upset. Anthony Edwards added another postseason notch to his burgeoning career. Jaden McDaniels shot 38% on three-pointers for the series, providing a much-needed offensive spark to complement his stalwart defense. Naz Reid delivered pivotal fourth-quarter moments, while the Karl Anthony-Towns/Rudy Gobert tandem did what they were constructed to do and neutralized Jokic just enough. All I could do was watch in silence (and awe), knowing the story of this basketball era would be moving in a different direction than I expected.
Round 3
Boston Celtics vs. Indiana Pacers
Series Result: Celtics win 4-0
Diss Track: Euphoria
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Have you ever walked your enemy down, like with a poker face?”
On paper, the Boston Celtics appear without weakness, with a 64-18 regular season record, and a point differential (+11.4) reminiscent of Michael Jordan’s greatest teams. Lacking a statistical case for criticism, identifying their flaws requires a deeper, more qualitative assessment of the team’s play. Late in close games, the Celtics approach can shift noticeably. Their typically fluid drive-and-kick style can give way to a slower pace and stagnant ball movement. These tendencies were exploited in several key losses this season, notably against the Denver Nuggets, masters of crunch-time execution (Game 7 collapse aside).
In Game 1 against the Indiana Pacers, these habits nearly cost the Celtics a 13-point third quarter lead. Jayson Tatum was settling for (and missing) his trademark pull-up three, and Jaylen Brown committed costly turnovers. With the series on the verge of a drastic change in dynamic, a shift occurred in the Celtics’ crunch-time resolve. Brown’s defensive pressure on an inbound pass forced a critical turnover, followed by his clutch corner three to force overtime and secure a crucial victory. The Celtics would go on to engineer two more remarkable comebacks in Games 3 and 4, completing a series sweep.
The Eastern Conference Finals shared many of the ingredients from previous playoff horrors for the Celtics. Indiana shot a lights-out 50.7% from the field, and Andrew Nembhard’s rise (averaging 21 points per game, well above his regular season average of 9.2 points) was reminiscent of past underdog performances from the likes of Gabe Vincent and Caleb Martin. Had the Celtics manifested the poor crunch-time habits that permeate their reputation, a 3-1 deficit and another shocking loss in the Eastern Conference Finals could have stared them in the face. Instead, they walked their opponent down with a poker face, game after game, turning a could-be disaster into a sweep.
Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Dallas Mavericks
Series Result: Mavericks won 4-1
Diss Track: Euphoria
Kendrick’s Perspective: “I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk / I hate the way that you dress / I hate the way you sneak diss, if I catch flight, it's gon' be direct.”
Known for his intricate wordplay, Kendrick opted for more straightforward approach to express his feelings towards Drake on ‘Euphoria’. You know who else made their voice heard during the Western Conference Finals? Luka Doncic.
First it was the triumphant scream in Rudy Gobert’s face after drilling a game-winning three over him in Game 2:
When Minnesota missed their ensuing 3-point attempt to end the game, Luka had more words for the Timberwolves crowd:
Then, upon the series’ return to Minneapolis, the handkerchief guy emerged:
This poor guy woke up on the morning of Thursday, May 30th, believing he had the game-changing formula to rescue his beloved Timberwolves. Unfortunately, his idea involved provoking Luka fucking Doncic, which we now know is a very, very bad decision.
In hindsight, both Wolves fans and Drake approached their disputes too casually, viewing them as playful banter. “Bring handkerchiefs and call Luka a crybaby” or “Smash the car from Kendrick’s album cover.” The problem was, whether genuine, or manufactured for a competitive edge, Luka and Kendrick were driven by real hostility. In a world in need of more love and compassion, sometimes pure, unfiltered hate is what delivers results.
The Finals
Boston Celtics vs. Dallas Mavericks
Series Result: Celtics win 4-1
Diss Track: 6:16 in LA
Kendrick’s Perspective: “Put my children to sleep with a prayer then close my eyes / Definition of peace."
I’ve been thinking about the 2018 playoffs, where the Celtics journey began. They entered that postseason as the 2-seed in the Eastern Conference, but expectations were tempered after losing stars Gordon Hayward and Kyrie Irving to season-ending injuries. In their place were two recent top-three draft picks, a mere 40 years of combined age between them. And, of course, Uncle Al Horford. Uncle Al was always there. After a season where all hope vanished 5 minutes into the first game of the regular season, all I wanted was a glimpse, something to show me where the team was headed in the future. Game 4 of their playoff series against the Bucks was the first time I saw it:
In the grand scheme, it’s a forgettable game. The Celtics didn’t even win, with their comeback falling just short. But I left thinking Brown and Tatum might have it—that intangible factor required to reach greatness. Six years and many hopeful victories and painful defeats later, we now have confirmation. Recency bias aside, I can’t think of many stars who earned a title more than these guys. For how easy the Celtics made winning look this season— the aforementioned regular season dominance, the 16-3 playoff record— anyone paying attention over the years knows the journey’s been anything but smooth.
The 2024 title is more than a confirmation of a single season of dominance; it’s a referendum on an entire growth process, particularly for the team’s two stars that shouldered all the expectations come with suiting up for a storied franchise. Now all the preceding trials and tribulations are given their meaning, becoming necessary steps on the way to the ultimate destination.
In a way, the Celtics’ path to the mountaintop embodies what Kendrick was trying to say all along. Him and Drake might both be champions of their craft, but the process that created them isn’t the same. We measure legacies by wins and losses, but real joy in life comes from embracing all the tiny steps that lead to those results. When the final stop is basketball immortality, even better. This sure looks like the definition of peace to me.
*All stats courtesy of Basketball-Reference, Cleaning the Glass, and NBA.com, unless otherwise noted.
fantastic, what a fun read. go lakers!